33 posts tagged “qotd”

Every new "Today" seems more anxious than ever. Do you find more solace in "Yesterday" or "Tomorrow"? Why?
Submitted by Bee Whisperer.

My god! This question is bollocks!

What are your first thoughts upon waking?
Submitted by Cher Cabula.

This morning my first thought was "who murdered Osma Starling?" She was the obscure socialite whose grim fate had occupied my dreams.

What's your favorite midnight snack?
Submitted by Raina.

Cheese and whisky. Gets the ol' dreams pululatin'.

What do you do when you get a crush on someone?
Submitted by Desi.

I go home and have a big wank.

Which popular slang expression drives you nuts?

This is not a bad question but instead of answering it I'm going to write something that happened to me recently. In the basement of the building where I work is a food court with a wide array of appaling eateries offering thrice-debased versions of various cuisines. A couple of weeks ago I was walking through this food court on my way to somewhere else when I noticed that a portion of the seating had been cleared and a series of booths set up; it was to do with an "International Food Fair", according to the signs. I took a large cardboard plate and walked past each booth collecting samples of the outlandish delicacies on offer. When I sat down I had some amazing things on my plate - fried jellyfish with tapioca, gazelle's heart (that was delicious, pure and dark and soft), a kind of latke with water chestnuts in it - and I set to animatedly. But at length I came to an enormous beetle, fully three inches long and two wide, which although apparently dead didn't seem to have been cooked at all. It was warm. I looked questioningly at a woman sitting near me and she said "it's OK. It's microwaved." Then she took a big bite of her own beetle, crunching through the abdomen with hyperreal Canadian teeth. I copied her and to my surprise found that the texture was smooth and creamy, like fondant, not at all crunchy, and the taste was bitter and invigorating. Lustily, I bit again, but this time a liquid gushed out in my mouth and a sweet, putrid sensation spread through my tongue and gums, followed by a stinging rush which made me clutch my jaw in agony. The woman said disinterestedly: "did you eat the thorax? You must have hit a venom sac." I stood up and reeled through the food court, eyes watering with pain. It felt as though the left side of my face, my cheek and the corner of my mouth, were being seared with hot pins. Gradually the pain ebbed and subsided from the excruciating to the merely intense; by this time I had found my way to the washroom and was trying to fit my face under the tap. After some time in this pose I looked in the mirror and noticed three blemishes on my left cheek: two close together, near the corner of my mouth, and one about an inch further out. They were small, red indentations with minuscule white barbs stuck at the centre.

At the medical clinic the doctor asked me if I had a match. Eventually we found someone in the waiting room who had a lighter, and the doc managed to burn away the three blemishes. I still have a numbness where the marks were but they tell me that ought to go away in a couple of weeks.

Book, magazine, catalog, nutritional information, billboard, website, newspaper... What are you currently reading and would you recommend it to others?

I've been reading a lot of nutritional information recently, but I'm not sure I could single out a particular one to recommend. Just the whole oeuvre, you know? And when I want something light, I get myself in front of a good billboard.

Currently reading:

 

English toffs (and the odd oik) before, during and after WWI, rendered in Ford's time-warping, psychologically detailed style.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good books read recently:

 

 

 

You crash your friend's car because you're driving too fast in bad weather. Everyone's okay, but the car has to go into the shop. Who pays the deductible?

Fuck off, Vox!

What do you think is your best physical attribute? 
Submitted by Nacwolin.

My john thomas.

What food item would you miss the most if it were removed from your diet and recipes? 
Submitted by scorpion1116.  

Scungilli. Scungilli. Scungilli. I just can't get this obscene word out of my mind.

And of course tofurkey bagelwiches.

Music-wise, what was the first 45, single or download you bought? 
Submitted by Paddy Melt Wagon.

Music-wise? As opposed to what - video-wise? Ah yes, well. Actually I'm a bit of an old bugger in that I was around before not only downloads, but singles and 45's too! My first DVD was 'Ben Hur' on the old '78' format. Bloody exciting when it first came out, everyone straining round the clay tablets, spinning them as fast as our mammoth-flensing duties would allow!